Just insert the tubes into any future mother, my dear Polonium comrades!

And on the first day, the Almighty created vodka and an open mouth...and about 300 million idiots... OK...I give up...300 billion... By the way - is this something new in drunken Mother Russia? How original! I can already see huge rallies in support of a simple man who is longing to get drunk. Let them drink Windex and Okena! What?! They have finished all cleaning products with alcohol in it? It's OK, they will crawl into a church and will get absolvation for their sins in Cyrillics. Hey, did you all know that Jesus spoke Russian with Yiddish accent? Now you know... Plus, you will get the first, free Russian lesson: POSCHLI VSE V CHUYI! E-mail this to a friend Printable version

' People's vodka' urged for Russia

By Steven Eke BBC Russian affairs analyst The head of Russia's union of wine and spirits producers has called on the country's lawmakers to legislate for the introduction of "people's vodka". Osman Paragulgov says the introduction of a cheap, but safe and regulated drink, would help poorer Russians currently unable to buy genuine vodka. Russians often turn to substitutes - often with fatal results.

More than 40,000 died in Russia after drinking fake vodka in 2005...

Really? What else is not Islamic, my dear idiots?

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Female circumcision 'not Islamic'

Egypt's top Muslim clerics have attempted to distance Islam from the practice of female genital mutilation, saying the religion does not need it. The head of the al-Azhar mosque, Sunni Islam's top authority, told a meeting in Cairo the practice, also known as female circumcision, was not a "must". And Egypt's top official cleric, Ali Gomaa, said the Prophet Mohammad had not circumcised his daughters. Female genital mutilation is widespread in parts of Africa and the Middle East.

Pussy obsession as a means of control and punishment. Or is it the other way around?
Sex is definitelly not Islamic, it's very Jewish...

You don't have to wear a mustache anymore if you want to kick a shit out of almost anyone!!!

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Russia police 'regularly torture'

Russian security officials are regularly subjecting detainees to beatings, rape and torture, a report by Amnesty International says. More than 100 cases were documented in a small number of regions, although Chechnya - where incidences are said to be much higher - was not included. *Yes, my dear idiots - kicking is back in style again. Has it ever disappeared? You don't have to be a Russian to act stupid and in blatant disregard of impotent domestic and international laws and regulations... But it really helps... One mo' zink - where is the international outcry about torture? Ha, do we see the mass demonstrations a la Abu Ghraib case or Guatanamo ? Of course not... Why should we, right/left? Thank you, humanity...

Really? But we only torture...

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China official admits to torture

Chinese official has made a rare admission about the extent of the use of torture in getting convictions in China's courts. Wang Zhenchuan, Deputy Procurator General, said at least 30 wrong verdicts were handed down each year because torture had been used. Mr Wang said the real number could be higher, according to state media. But we only torture mentally retarded, criples, and stupid , stinky peasants. From time to time we make a mistake and beat the shit out of a 'regular guy' from the street on his way to his business enterprise...just in case... But that doesn't matter as long as you buy things, chachkes Made in China. Oh, I have almost forgotten! Wanna rent our nuclear multiheaded missile The Glorious Path with a range to the next Milky Way? Good deal!

And we thought the KGB era is over - what idiots we are!

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Ex-KGB officer 'poisoned in UK'

Scotland Yard is investigating the alleged poisoning of a Russian former security agent and critic of President Putin living in exile in Britain. Alexander Litvinenko, said to be a former colonel in the KGB, told the BBC he fell ill after meeting a contact in a restaurant bar in London this month. A Scotland Yard spokesman said the alleged victim was in a serious but stable condition in hospital. The highly-toxic metal thallium was reportedly used in the alleged attack. That's right, my dear idiots: Today thallium, tomorrow the whole tarrantula...KGB? In Russia? That's really funny...Ras-Putin is alive and well? Don't make me puke with laughter! People are being killed for trying to expose the militant, mafia-like post-Soviet junta? Oh, and the new tzarist regime doesn't have a design for their role in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea and some small moons eclypsing around now officially illegal Pluto? You must be out of your and others mind! Really, it's good to be a Tzar - with or without a mustache... Where is Borat when we need him?!

Yes...

Yes, my dear - we can already spread it on the bread, but it still smells like...

HALLOWEEN IS OVER FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

It usually starts with a fish...

Something fishy here? Well, don't worry, my dear idiots - we will soon start to run out of people...let's see - how many years from now? The correct answer winner will be engaged to a mildy tempered octopus possesing the EU passport and stinking of Russian sturgeon... E-mail this to a friend Printable version

'Only 50 years left' for sea fish

By Richard Black Environment correspondent, BBC News website There will be virtually nothing left to fish from the seas by the middle of the century if current trends continue, according to a major scientific study.