Just insert the tubes into any future mother, my dear Polonium comrades!

And on the first day, the Almighty created vodka and an open mouth...and about 300 million idiots... OK...I give up...300 billion... By the way - is this something new in drunken Mother Russia? How original! I can already see huge rallies in support of a simple man who is longing to get drunk. Let them drink Windex and Okena! What?! They have finished all cleaning products with alcohol in it? It's OK, they will crawl into a church and will get absolvation for their sins in Cyrillics. Hey, did you all know that Jesus spoke Russian with Yiddish accent? Now you know... Plus, you will get the first, free Russian lesson: POSCHLI VSE V CHUYI! E-mail this to a friend Printable version

' People's vodka' urged for Russia

By Steven Eke BBC Russian affairs analyst The head of Russia's union of wine and spirits producers has called on the country's lawmakers to legislate for the introduction of "people's vodka". Osman Paragulgov says the introduction of a cheap, but safe and regulated drink, would help poorer Russians currently unable to buy genuine vodka. Russians often turn to substitutes - often with fatal results.

More than 40,000 died in Russia after drinking fake vodka in 2005...